Irrational Fears....

1:11 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
I think other Mothers must have these as well (OR maybe I'm crazy). One of my fears is that someone will break in to my house at night and steal one of my children from their bed while I sleep. This goes hand in hand with My fear waking up to a stranger standing over me or general someone breaking in to my house at all (especially when my hubby goes away for months). These fears have always been there since I was a child really, BUT since we now live in CA they are a bit more prominent. For some reason it seems more bad things happen in places like CA, FL, NYC and LasVegas (This probably comes from watching too much TV).
So every night before I get in my bed I go and look over each of my four children to make sure that they are where they are supposed to be. You know just in case someone creeped through the second story window into their rooms and snuck them out without me knowing in the two or so hours I was awake after they were in bed. Also if I get out of bed in the night I go and check on them especially if I am not sure what woke me up, It could have been that I heard a sound and just don't remember it. My husband laughs at me all the time over this and jokingly will ask when I climb into bed if everyone is where they should be..... He thinks he's cute. When it comes down to it If I have to tell the police when the last time I saw my child was..... I WILL KNOW FOR SURE!
Now for the funny little heart stopping moment that occurred last night.....
At 2am I woke to Kiersten Crying this is normal we get up once through the night for a feeding. As I sit in the living room watching the Olympics and feeding the baby I hear foot steps up stairs which eventually lead to Melanie standing at the bottom of the stairs claiming not to be able to sleep. I tell her it is the middle of the night and she needs to go back to bed, and that once Kiersten is back to sleep I will come and check on her. I say this knowing full well when I go up there in twenty or so minutes she will be fast asleep in her bed!
At about 2:50 am I lay Kiersten down in her bed and go to check on the rest of my girls like I do every night but also because I told Melanie I would. MELANIE IS NOT IN HER BED!!!!!! I think hmmm.... she must have gotten in my bed instead. Upon entering our room which is dark but I have my night eyes on by now, I cannot see her in our bed either. I begin patting down the bed thinking I must have just missed her. This wakes my husband who is laying in the middle of all this patting and I say...."I can't find Melanie". I go back to her room... I must have missed her..... NOPE still not in her bed??? By this point my heart is pounding, my worst fear(or one of them) had come true! So I step up on Melanie's full size bottom bunk bed and peer into Meghan's twin size top bunk bed and there she is sleeping side by side with her big sister.... whew! My Heart instantly dropped back into place!
Upon return to My bedroom I find my husband just starting to get out of bed. He was obviously concerned by my inability to find one of our children! Less than 60 seconds later he was sound asleep... me..... not so much!

Life is short..... Live it well!

12:12 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
To say I have had an eye opening week would be an understatement. Two events have occurred on opposite sides of the country, neither directly affected my life but both have touched me deeply and made me think about my life in a whole new light.
On the evening of Thursday February 11th a house fire in Heath Ohio took the life of a 3 year old little boy. He was the oldest son of a friend of my brother. I heard this news from my father on Friday and was immediately brought to tears. The thought of any child perishing in a fire is unthinkable, but this boy was almost the exact age of my Katelynn and I could not help but think how incredibly devastated I would be if I lost her or any of my children. I found myself thinking what if it were us.....
Friday February 19th was a normal workday for my husband I kissed him good bye in the morning and told him to drive safe as I always do thinking the most dangerous part of his day is not being at work but driving to and from. Andrew says see you tonight, and I respond "we'll be here". I am sure many many other wives did the same thing that morning, a day like any other. For one wife however she had said goodbye for the last time, her husband would not return home! During a normal work day on the ship a friend of my husband was doing his job, possibly feeling the pressure to rush and get his job done made a split second choice that ultimately cost him his life. Once again I found myself thinking what if that were Andrew?
My Heart goes out to both of these families whose lives are forever changed. I pray that they have the strength to trudge through this awful time in their lives.
I find myself thinking about every interaction with my husband and children thinking "this COULD be our last". If it were the last I want to be able to remember the last interaction with my loved one as a positive one. I will not let my husband or children walk away without telling them I love them and to be safe. I am trying to be more patient and understanding with the girls and enjoy them every second. So often life gets moving so fast that we loose control and are just going along for the ride. I feel like so often a week or a month goes by in a blur and I can't remember where the time went. I am feeling the need to slow down and enjoy my family EVERYDAY!